This is how I start every call that I answer. Occasionally I will get an answer that is not the person’s last name. Usually this answer makes your brain processes come to a screeching, halting thud.

Hi. This is my disclaimer.

I work in a call center for tech support. I will not ever mention my company’s name, nor any of our clients names, nor any names of anyone that ever calls in. If you see a name in here, I promise you it is made up.

The calls that I take are often nurses and care providers. I have enormous respect for these people, and have no delusions that I would be able to do what they do. Most of the time, these users didn’t have the chance to learn a lot about computers. I have no problem with this; nobody is born knowing everything about how computers work. In fact, if that was the case, I would be out of a job. And everyone around me.

Most of the problems are attributed to simple misunderstandings and legitimate systems issues. Sometimes these are funny, and even the person on the phone will laugh when they figure out what went wrong.

There is however the type of caller that all of us phone monkeys dread: the “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” This type of caller does manage to speak in all-caps, which is impressive because they probably don’t know where the caps lock key is, have no interest in learning where it is, but are genuinely mad at YOU.

This type of caller I have no issue mocking. If you are actively refusing to tread upon the path of knowledge, I cannot help you. Gandhi could not help you. The people who ring your doorbell asking if you know how to find Jesus could not help you. You are ignorant and proud of it, and have likely made a life choice to have other people solve your problems for you.

Now, as I step down off my soapbox….

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