tucker plays for real madrid

I figured out what’s wrong with Tucker: he is a European soccer player in a dog’s body.

He will be running around playing just fine, having a grand ol’ time, and then something will cause him slight discomfort (hitting the end of the leash, bumping into a table, Leinie taking his toy).

This causes him to assume the “oh I’m so injured I can’t possibly go on anymore!” flop that soccer players do when someone looks at them too hard.

When we ignore him for a few minutes, he goes all sulky to his corner, as if to say “Fine, if you don’t want to acknowledge my egregious physical mistreatment, I will just go sit over here and think bad thoughts about you.”

I know this sounds more like an emo dog, but Tucker does not meet the criteria for such a designation. Here is the list of what it takes to be emo:

1. Life is good but you must pretend its bad
2. Nobody else cares that you’re pretending life is bad, so therefore its time to brood.
3. Dumb hair

Tucker does not have dumb hair, ergo, he cannot be emo.

“ignore me while i wrap myself in a blanket of pity”