pinstripes aren’t THAT slimming

I live in Milwaukee, WI and have been a lifelong Brewers fan. The last time the Brewers made the postseason was 1982, when I was 1 year old. This last year, they made the playoffs again, and managed to win more games than our division rivals the Cubs have in the last four years (combined. Ha, suck it Cubs).

So today they announced that CC is going to sign with the Yankees, and I’m filled with sadness. Not for the Brewers, although signing a big name like him might have actually signaled that pro athletes care about more than money. If you’re a Brewers fan, you’re long used to disappointment. This was the first year that we weren’t an underdog, and it felt kind of strange. The Brewers will keep doing what they do, which is show teams with payrolls two or three times as large that paychecks don’t make you a good team.

No, I’m sad for CC himself. This might sound strange, me feeling bad for a guy who makes WAY too much money for throwing a ball around, but CC is a special case.

CC is a hard-working, down to earth guy. He liked playing for the Indians and the Brewers because he was relied upon and fit in with their ethos of working and being proud of it. The Yankees are a team of people who have “made it” and cashed in with huge paychecks. It seems like everyone who gets a massive paycheck in New York is never the same as they were in other places. I mean, you saw the pictures of A-Rod wearing a freaking scarf to a Madonna concert…do you think that type of personality will mesh well with CC?

Now, I’ve never met the guy, and for all I know CC likes to wear spats and a monocle to watch cricket matches, but from what I’ve read it just doesn’t sound like a good fit from a personality standpoint.

Outside of the personality fit, CC isn’t needed in New York. The Yankees didn’t make the playoffs because their hitting was terrible. A friend of mine who’s a Yankees fan told me: “It’s amazing how no one has noticed that the Yankees’ biggest problem was offense last year, and a lot of their production was from Giambi, who’s gone now. It’s sort of like if the Brewers replaced CC and Sheets with Manny Ramirez.” (thanks for that Amos)

So, why would the Yankees spend a ridiculous amount of money on a player which they could have probably spent to better use in other place?

The Yankees are like a family of noble birth who long ago were rich and important. Now their importance is waning, and they’re trying to make up for it with money.

Don’t like that analogy? Try this one.

The Yankees are like a PT Cruiser: built to look fast while standing still.

And now to please those who liked me re-enactment of Mannheim Steamroller, I offer you the re-enactment of the Yankees boardroom:

“Hello again Mr. Steinbrenner, I’m really sorry that we didn’t make the playoffs this year. Please don’t fire me”

“Oh that’s OK Joe, don’t worry, I’ll give you at least 6 or 7 games to win the division next year. And don’t worry, I have a secret weapon”

“What? Have we solved the team problem of timely hitting? Are we producing talent in the minor leagues that we’ll be able to rely upon in the future?”

“Oh Joe, Joe, Joe, don’t you know anything? The answer to all of our problems is clearly money; we just haven’t spent enough of it yet”

“Um, are you sure? I mean our team always has one of the highest payrolls already”

“Money, Joe, money”

“..and we just spent over a billion dollars on our new stadium…”

“Money.”

“…and our last few high-profile big signings haven’t worked out so well…”

“MONEY”

“…well, OK, if you’re set on it, who are you going to get to address our offensive problems?”

“MOOONNNNEEEYYYY!”

“uh, Mr. Steinbrenner?”

“moneymoneymoneymoney…….money”

(Joe silently backs out of room, closes door)

end scene.