Over the weekend, Wife and I went to Minneapolis with some good friends to visit some good friends with the intended purpose of drinking much beer and carousing.  In that regard, mission accomplished.  Mission freaking accomplished.  Since our dogs don’t really like Minneapolis much (they hate trying to figure out the roads there) we dropped them off at our parents houses for the weekend.  My parents got Leinie and her parents got Tucker, because they’re a handful if you’re not used to them.  However, they’re not a handful like you might think.

Tucker has self-esteem issues.  That’s right, he’s an emo dog.  Being his caretaker is a balancing act between too much correction and too much praise, because too much of anything gets him all anxious and twitchy, and then he runs away and hides behind a couch.

So he’s at the in-laws, and he sees this big ol’ German shepherd walking down the street, which runs to the front door and starts barking at.  Somehow he opens the front door (I don’t know how, he’s 19lbs and doesn’t come up to your knee) and runs toward the shepherd.  Since the father in-law didn’t get there in time to see what happened, we have to take the word of the police office who took the report.  Somehow, our dog bit the lady walking the shepherd.

I say somehow because our dog cannot bite.  Seriously, he sucks at biting.  He can’t play tug of war, he doesn’t like rawhide because it’s too hard, and I have never even seen him play bite when he’s playing with Leinie.  Pretty much he acts like an old man with dentures who you presented with a caramel apple: “Oh, yeah, well, that looks good but I just don’t want any right now thank you.”

Now our dog has a police record and we have to take him to the vet to make sure he doesn’t have rabies (he doesn’t, we keep him up to date on his shots). 

When the policeman came to the house to get the dog’s information, he looked at the cowering beagle, looked down at his form, looked back at the cowering beagle, and says “Is this the ‘vicious dachshund’ that is on the report?  He’s a terrified beagle!”

I’ll let you know how this continues to play out and if Caser Milan is involved at any point.

tucker Hardened Criminal

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