Think Tank MommaInstead of getting mad at someone who has wronged you, get thankful.  Order yourself a nice, big bowl of Thankyou with a side of snark.  And some bread for the table, because everyone likes bread.  Don’t appear ungrateful; thank you notes are the ideal way to let someone know how they impacted you and that you’re appreciative of the perspective they have afforded you.  Even Ms. Manners would agree.

Dear Computer Illiterate Customers,

I understand that nobody is born knowing all there is to know about computers, but I’d like to thank you for calling me first.  And by “first” I mean “as soon as the computer beeps”.  You remind me that I will always have job security, and for that I thank you,

Sincerely,

Tech Support

p.s. The cable to your printer DOES have to be actually plugged in.

Dear Coffee Machine Guy,

Thank you for fixing the coffee machine and making it dispense hot water again; the lukewarm brown liquid was getting old.  Double thank you for not actually giving us coffee to put in it.  I’m not sure exactly what is in those bags, but when brewed it has the flavor of dirt. If I add sugar and creamer, it vaguely changes the color but not the taste.  Whatever it is, it also must have about fifty times the normal amount of caffeine because that stuff hits me like James Brown.  Clearly you have invented a new substance previously unknown to mankind, and you are to be commended for thinking of a novel use for it.

Sincerly,

Can’t stop twitching

Dear Bioware,

Thank you for releasing Mass Effect 2 and every other awesome video game you’ve ever made.  Thank you for creating such addicting games that I can’t possibly stop playing them.  Thank you for taking so much of my money.  Thank you for making me repeatedly say, “Just one more quest and I’ll go to bed.”  Thank you for ruining my ability to get a full night of sleep.  Thank you for basically taking over control of my life until I beat the game.

Sincerely,

Couch Zombie