Back in the day, after Compuserve but before Limewire, there was this website called Myspace.  While it originally appeals to teens and tweens who were looking for a way to release their pent-up emotions unto the entire planet, it quickly also then appealed to skeevy types who are into teens and tweens, and then soon after attracted sexbots and camwhores trying to get money from the skeevy types.

Thus ended the hope that was Myspace, but not before giving birth to Facebook.  And not like a real birth.  More like Zeus giving birth to Athena.  Facebook sprung from the forehead of Myspace. Anyway.

So then this Facebook comes around and everyone likes the Facebook.  They are much better at keeping out the skeeves and the bots and the crappy garage band that you know one of the guys from high school but you have to be friends with them anyway.  In fact, the Facebook really helps usher in the whole Web 2.0 thing, and now we have blogs which let me make words at you.

But Myspace is still hanging around outside, trying to peek in the windows and asking when we’re going to come back out and play.

Sorry Myspace. Never.  Nobody wants to play with you anymore.  You smell funny.

So I went onto my Myspace account with the intention of taking it down.  The internet already has enough of me.  The email address that I used to make my Myspace page doesn’t even exist anymore, so of course when I tried to cancel my account, they send an email to confirm this.  I try to change my email address to one that actually exists, and they send an email to my old one to confirm this.

By now, I’ve spent more time on Myspace already than I have in the last five years, and I’m starting to get annoyed.  After much digging, I found the procedure that they have in place required to change your email address if you no longer have access to the email address with which you registered:

  1. Write down your url on a piece of paper
  2. Hold this piece of paper under your chin
  3. Take a picture of yourself with this piece of paper, like its a mugshot
  4. Email picture to Myspace

I was actually surprised that step 4 wasn’t “have a tintype made and pony express it to the local branch.”

To be fair, I understand they need to have certain rules and security in place to make sure nothing happens to my Myspace page.  But it’s not like anyone’s Myspace page is a matter of life or death.  For all I know, my page still says that I’m a fan of the Verve Pipe and that Natalie Imbruglia is the next superstar.

You know why Facebook isn’t blocked at your office? Because your IT department uses it.  You know what is blocked? Myspace.  Even us nerds think its lame.