First one from today:

“Why is my account locked out?”

“Because you typed in the password wrong.”

“Why did I type it in wrong?”

“…Dyslexia?”

Second one, overheard:

“Darlin, if your computer isn’t connected to the internet, it isn’t going to get online!…..No, the internet is not in your computer…”

Gotta love explaining the basics of decades-old technology

Third one today:

“I’m going to uninstall Yahoo! Messenger on your computer because it might be causing your performance issues.”

“Oh, don’t uninstall that, I need it!”

“Um, you do?  It isn’t an approved program to have on your computer, you know.  How do you use it for work?”

“If I don’t get to talk to my friends while I’m working, I might snap, an’ then I won’t get any work done!”

“OK, we’ll just leave that program alone for now.”

Fourth one, calling a user back who I previously told to clean all the excess toner dust out of their printer so it would stop putting marks on all the pages:

“Just checking in with you, did you manage to get those rollers cleaned off?”

“I thought you were going to do that.”

“Um, no sir, I asked you to go ahead and do that.”

“Well, I’m not sure I know how to do that, can you just come down here and do it for me?”

“Sir, you’re in Kentucky, I’m in Wisconsin…”

“Someone else then?”