Badly Drawn Monsters
A site of nerdery, life, geekism, and monsters
good morning miss bliss
Jun 8th
A friend of mine, oh let’s call her Liiska, recently sat next to a celebrity on a plane from Milwaukee to New York. Â For our age group, this particular celebrity will always bear a special place in our hearts, even though his acting career has completely fizzled, unless you count the odd pornographic movie and terrible standup routine.
Liiska was not sitting in first class. Â She had a window seat back in coach. Â That means that said celebrity was sitting in the middle seat of the row. Â In coach. Â That’s gotta be hard on the ego.
At this point, you may be More >
drop the dime on it
Jun 3rd
Scene: a dead body is sprawled facedown on the sidewalk. Â Yellow police tape cordons off the area. Â Two detectives are squatting down near the body talking to the medical examiner. Â A witness says that the victim was walking down the street when a car came around the corner, hit the person, and drove off in a hurry.
A uniformed cop comes up and says, “Detectives, we found a call placed from the payphone across the street at the same time our victim was murdered.”
The detectives trade a knowing glance: this is no accident.
Can you spot the error in this scenario? Â It’s More >
nerd humor
May 26th
What if Sauron had a lazy eye?
You remember Sauron, right? From Lord of the Rings? Â The really bad guy that had a giant eye in his tower?
Aragorn: “Is…is he looking at us?”
Gandalf: “Shit, I can never tell.”
Gandalf: “Frodo, as you cross into Mordor, be careful to not let the gaze of Sauron fall upon you!”
Frodo: “Dammit Gandalf, I can’t ever tell what he’s looking at anyway, how am I supposed to know?”
Sauron: “Hello little hobbits, I see yo-…damn, wait…great. Â Now I’m looking at France.”
Sauron: “Is there anything I can do?”
Eye doctor: “Well I can put a patch over your good More >
getting too close for comfort
May 24th
Alright folks, it’s getting closer and closer, and I’m still short of my goal. Â I wanted to raise $300, and right now I’m only about 2/3 or the way there.
I want to give a big hell yes shout out to those who’ve pledged so far, and here they are:
- Semky
- My mom and mother in law (sadly they do not have a URL)
- Daffy the Ducky
- Coffey
- Ed
I have an entire jersey to fill up with names and pictures and URL’s and advertisements (if you have a product, let me know) and right now I pretty much have the left sleeve and part of the More >
everything i need to know
May 21st
As you may or may not know, Wife is a four-year old kindergarten teacher.
Hmm, that sounds kind of odd, let me rephrase: she is a kindergarten teacher for four-year-olds.
Much better.
She’s been at the same school for two years now and has had, oh how should I put this, a wide range of intellectual prowess in her students.
In the beginning of the year, a lot of children haven’t been away from home for any length of time and have trouble with concepts like “crapping in your pants is bad” and “peeing in the middle of the hallway is not allowed.” Â However, More >
practice makes perfect
May 19th
“I can’t seem to get in, it keeps telling me the password or username is wrong.”
“Sir, I can see that you spelled your last name wrong, that’s why it’s not working.”
“Well, how do I spell it?”
“…it’s your last name, sir…”
“With an ‘n’ at the end?”
“…it’s your last name.”
“Ok, that worked. Â Huh, wonder why it didn’t before.”
“Me too.” *
* I was referring to his brain.
I know you don’t come here for this kind of thing, because when I tend to write things that aren’t funny I tend to lose readers, but please bear with me, it’s short I promise.
temporal awareness
May 18th
The customer is not always right, at least when it comes to indisputable facts:
“I’m sorry to bug you, but I can’t remember any of my passwords this morning. Â Just seem to forgot all of them; it’s really a Monday morning so far.”
“Actually sir, it’s a Tuesday.”
“…dammit!”
I almost didn’t tell him, he sounded so sad.
It’s little tidbits like this that keep you coming back.
would have rather had a souvenir shotglass
May 17th
Even though Travis isn’t doing a Memoir Monday this week, I’ll pick up the slack and write about yet another spring break vacation that was oh so much fun. Â After awhile, I stopped even going on spring break because no matter where I went, it seemed to end in some sort of disaster.
I wrote the first one a long time ago when I started this whole blogging thing, so if you want double the Memoir on your Monday (as well as if you want to make fun of my writing skillz from awhile back) go ahead and click on that as More >
just guessing
May 13th
First one from today:
“Why is my account locked out?”
“Because you typed in the password wrong.”
“Why did I type it in wrong?”
“…Dyslexia?”
Second one, overheard:
“Darlin, if your computer isn’t connected to the internet, it isn’t going to get online!…..No, the internet is not in your computer…”
Gotta love explaining the basics of decades-old technology
Third one today:
“I’m going to uninstall Yahoo! Messenger on your computer because it might be causing your performance issues.”
“Oh, don’t uninstall that, I need it!”
“Um, you do? Â It isn’t an approved program to have on your computer, you know. Â How do you use it for work?”
“If I don’t get to talk to More >
still waiting on that x-wing
May 6th
Recently I was at a wedding reception, and someone at our table had some inane question along the lines of “who was that band had that one song with the lyrics, ‘dances in the sand?’” Â No fewer than four people pulled out their various smartphones, iPhones, or Blackberrys and began searching for the answer as fast as their 3G connection would allow.
And then it hit me: when did the future get here?
We have technology that people could only dream of in Star Trek, with their little tricorders (what three things it record, anyway?) and their little communicators. Â We’re a transporter More >
